Ofterdingen and Kropotkin

As for his name, it is Little Igor, but Father dubs him Clumsy One, because he is always promenading into things. It was only four days previous that he made his eye blue from a mismanagement with a brick wall. [...]
I dig to disseminate very much currency at famous nightclubs in Odessa. Many girls want to be carnal with me in many good arrangements, notwithstanding the Inebriated Kangaraoo, the Gorky Tickle, and the Unyielding Zookeeper. If you want to know why so many girls want to be with me, it is because I am a very premium person to be with. I am homely, and also severely funny, and these are winning things. [...]
So as for the Clumsy One, who I never dub the Clumsy One but always Little Igor, he is a first-rate boy. We do not speak in volumes, because he is such a silent person, but I am certain we are paramount friends. I have tutored Little Igor to be a man of this world. For an example, I exhibited him a smutty magazine three days yore, so that he should be appraised of the many positions in which I am carnal. "This is the sixty-nine," I told him, presenting the magazine in front of him. I put my fingers - two of them - on the action so that he would not overlook it. "Why is it dubbed sixty-nine?" he asked, because he is a person hot on fire with curiosity. "It was invented in 1969. My friend Gregory knows a friend of the nephew of the inventor." "What did people do before 1969?" "Merely blowjobs and masticating box, but never in chorus." He will be made a VIP if I have a thing to do with it.
J.S. Foer, Everything is illuminated, 2-3.